The turmoil of this year is still well and truly in effect, and as much as we like to think we have moved forward, it seems we have been stationary for months. Although finishing a degree during a global pandemic does feel like an achievement, I can't help but feel it is a punishment of sorts as well.
Having some of my first classes cancelled in late February felt like a blessing in disguise, what with my ever-growing uni assignments that I had fallen behind on, and a dissertation due date looming in the not so distant future. Staying at home allowed me to work when I wanted to, and not when I had to, and writing a 9,000 word thesis from the comfort of my bed sounded great. Until it wasn’t.
The gradual realisation of not seeing some of my uni friends again, losing my final year of uni along with some of the last lectures of my academic life, hit hard. I was in one of my favourite cities, and yet, I could hardly leave the house, or do anything at all.
I lost nearly all motivation to work on my uni assignments, lost sense of time, and the days blurred into one. I couldn't sleep at night, I had a hard time waking up before 3pm, and day after day began to feel the same.
Working abroad for the summer was a breath of fresh air, I almost forgot about the pandemic, and found comfort and temporary distraction in my job.
Since coming home in October, I have no part time work, let alone a full time job, a degree which hangs over my head, and moving back home with my parents, I feel more lost than I ever have done. I’m only 21 and I feel like my life has no meaning at the moment, every day is the same, and I have started to sleep the day away again.
Although I know journalism is the right path for me, I’m constantly questioning if it was the right degree in a social climate which values immediate success over a slow burn, long haul. I’m trying to freelance more and more, and have written articles for blogs recently, but it doesn't feel anywhere near enough.
In an age where Instagram and Twitter is a reminder of people's achievements and their seemingly perfect life, it's hard to distance yourself from the overwhelming sense of competition I think young people feel amongst ourselves. Without sounding pathetic, I'm 21 and feel like I've already ran out of time to "make it". Yes, journalism and anything to do with the media is a very competitive field, and yes, I suppose you have to be pretty good to be apart of it. However, I can't let these facts take away my determination and want to be in with this world. Otherwise, no one would ever get anything done.
I know everyone has been affected by this pandemic in different ways, and we forget that we can’t always see the ways in which people are suffering. I think I need to remember that these are strange, strange times, and it isn't going to be a smooth ride to employment at the moment. All I can do is carry on trying, as I believe failure is character building, although it doesn't have to be so cruel sometimes.